Young, Skinny, and White

Familia. It may as well be a punchline line at this point.

The over representation of fit, white bodies in the gay and queer communities is fucking wild.

Here the Fuck We go Again

Omg, Matt, I’m so tired of hearing this. It’s not our fault they’re fat and we’re so popular. Hate to break it to ya, Chad, it is, you are definitely not contributing to the solution to make everyone feel valuable and loved. When you show up to the club with 10 of your whitest, fittest besties. You present a gilded world that you’re only invited to be apart of, if you fit into the size 30 waist jeans the whole squad is wearing.

Even people who don’t directly participate in gay culture, i.e. the straights, are aware of the value that is placed on being fit. “Aren’t all gay dudes just working out and fucking at the gym?” – straight dudes everywhere. Matt, your choices are so unlimited. All gay guys are “hot”. Why is the only version of attractive acknowledged by gay culture, fit? Because of you, Justin.

Fuck You if You Skinny – Nicki Minaj

As if the dating pool isn’t dismal enough when you’re a person of color in the gay community, add being fat to that, and you might as be invisible. At least that was my experience when I was fat. I was fat until I was 24 years old and wasn’t asked on a date until I was 25. I had literally never had a man express romantic interest in me until after I had lost my first 40 pounds. It was dysphoric as fuck.

As if the hate isn’t bad enough from skinny folks when you’re fat, there’s also a relentless effort to make fat people hate themselves and their bodies. And the powers that be are really good at creating and maintaining that message.


No fats, blacks, or fems. Can you imagine literally being all of those things and being out of the game before you’ve even swung.

Hookup app culture is probably the best place to realize that everyone hates fat people. The idea that fit equals attractive is a constant. And any who doesn’t fit that criteria…well….I’m sorry, maybe we can be friends. Maybe.

The unmerited feeling of superiority dawned by fit, white gays is baffling at times. This “ew, fatty, don’t talk to me” culture is so boring and toxic.

Like, we get it, Tom, you work out and you’re a douche. Groundbreaking.

Fatphobia coupled with anti black sentiments is come damning shit, y’all. Larger black/brown people have an extremely hard go of it in the queer and gay communities. Constantly reminded that their inherently unattractive and unhealthy by the people and world around them.

Like can you imagine loving yourself and being surrounded by images and ideas that tell you shouldn’t??

Longing for Representation

When’s the last time you saw a larger brown or black body portrayed as a sex symbol. Portrayed as a hero? Portrayed as inherently desirable despite possessing zero personality?

Fit people have no shortage of positive imagery to look to. Fat people? Not so much. Fat people are given the wildly versatile trope of goofy, funny, or lazy. Or a combination of all 3.

Pretty Hurts

One could even argue how unhealthy the pressure to be thin is in the gay community. Feeling as if you won’t be liked if you’re not perceived as attractive and fit. And I can’t even say the fear is unmerited. The 180 I experienced with the way the community treated me after dropping the weight, still has me spinning.

The things that people assume of you if you spend a little of your time in a gym, is fucking wild. You’re assumed to be a hard worker, educated, wealthy, and desirable. Why though? None of those things have to be coupled with fitness. But somehow everyone has decided they go hand in hand.

It’s Not Fat People, it’s You

Fat people have no obligation to change their bodies in order for you to treat them with respect. You could, you know, just not be shitty.

Stop disregarding the attention of larger people. Stop insisting that they take up less space. Stop perpetuating fat shaming. Stop body shaming larger people in their bathing suits. Stop making fun of fat people while they’re shopping. Stop calling people who aren’t fat, fat. “Gay fat” is not a thing. Stop trying to make it happen.

The erasure is so real y’all. If you’ve ever seen any ad material for a gay cruise, the ads in Grindr, the ads on Logo Tv. You’d think fat people didn’t exist. And that all gay people are 6’2″, white and have washboard abs. It’s disheartening as fuck if you don’t look like that.

Do you know how many circuit parties I’ve been to and literally saw ZERO fat people. Why are larger people so weary of entering those spaces? It’s because you make sure they are, Jim. You mean someone didn’t feel welcomed after reading “NOT FATS” on 80 Grindr profiles in one day.

If you Knew Better, Boy, You’d Do Better

I’d like to believe that most things can be fixed with awareness. So you all need to be aware that your white, fit bodies are the perceived as the most desirable in all of the gay kingdom. You need look no further than the closest instafamous gay. You’ll notice he is white and has abs.

Imagine needing to do nothing other than show up to earn literally everyone’s love and respect.

Respect large bodies. Appreciate large bodies. Sexualize large bodies. Befriend large people. Fat people should not be out here begging for a place in the community. It should have been there in the first place.


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